numb

Today is 23 weeks and 2 days.
I spoke with the monument place today and they said that my son's headstone would be ready for installation on May 29. I saw my therapist yesterday. She encouraged me to have a plan for the year anniversary of baby Steve (June 21). Is it bad that I don't want to think about that? I don't want to plan for it? It feels almost like if I think too much about my dead baby that my growing unborn baby will share the same fate. Death is so hard to think about when it is not staring you in the face all the time. Is it bad that I am trying to avoid it? I am putting all my hopes and positive energy into trying to get this new baby here - alive. But at the same time I don't allow myself to think beyond Sept 5 - his induction date. Because if he does not make it and I have not allowed my hopes to get too high maybe the grief wont be so hard this time around?
I wish that I could go back to being ignorant and blissfully happily pregnant where my biggest worry was if our house was going to sell before the baby came.