Today I am 9 weeks and 5 days pregnant again. I am in my 5th pregnancy. Being pregnant again brings to the surface thoughts about the second and fourth times I was pregnant. The second time of course resulting in a beautiful baby boy who was born dead at 39 weeks 3 days gestation and my fourth time an early miscarriage between 5 and 6 weeks. Miscarriage is funny. It doesn't have the same tragedy as stillbirth associated with it for a lot of reasons. However it still hurt.
So now what?
I have had one ultrasound with this pregnancy so far (6 weeks, 4 days). I was diagnosed with subchorionic hematonias. Basically there are two blood clots on either side of the embryonic sac. I am on "pelvic rest." Sorry Steve. I am supposed to take it easy and try not to lift too much etc. I know that SCH increases risk of miscarriage but there really is no way to treat them. My dr said hopefully they will be reabsorbed. The concern is that they can start to bleed and result in my uterus cramping and then miscarrying the little being in there.
I will have another ultrasound around 12 weeks to check in. I am hoping the clots are gone. I am hoping the baby is alive and lively.
I never thought I would have this kind of trouble with pregnancy. I guess no one does.
Thursday, 6 March 2014
Unsettled
I have been feeling pretty settled for quite awhile, however the last couple of days have lead to building feelings that I am feeling compelled to express.
Currently Spencer is 14 months. He is running. I could not ask for a better baby. He is cuddly and coy, curious and tenacious. He is his Daddy's biggest fan but always comes looking for me :)
And Anne - Anne is fabulous! She is learning so much in pre-K... She actually listens and follows directions now :) She is such a little sponge. Our relationship has become stronger and closer too, now that Spencer is a little more independent.
SO what is my problem? What could possibly be troubling me if things going so well?
Well...
On Nov 3 I had a positive pregnancy test. WHAT?!?
Yes I know crazy right? No fertility drugs!
Steve and I were in Banff together (kids were at grandmums) when we found out. The whole way home we talked about how amazing the timing was. We would be due in July 2014 and we could go to a family wedding in Vancouver in August. Perfect! Spencer would be almost 2 years old! What a nice age gap - almost as good as the 19 months apart Anne and Baby Steve would have been.
And then something happened.
On Nov 6 I started bleeding. I did not stop.
More and more.
Great.
I did my blood work
I had an ultrasound on Nov 8.
Both confirmed that I was in the middle of an early misscarriage.
Really? Hmm well that sucks.
It is not nearly as hard to grieve a pregnancy that I only knew about for 3 days. Not like baby Steve.
So about a week later I felt settled. I felt okay. Not totally awesome but okay.
Anyway now I am thinking about a baby. A baby - another pregnancy. Am I really ready for that? Do I really want to jump on that fertility roller coaster again - what if I lose another one? I have had 4 confirmed positive pregnancies. I have two living babies...now what?
Currently Spencer is 14 months. He is running. I could not ask for a better baby. He is cuddly and coy, curious and tenacious. He is his Daddy's biggest fan but always comes looking for me :)
And Anne - Anne is fabulous! She is learning so much in pre-K... She actually listens and follows directions now :) She is such a little sponge. Our relationship has become stronger and closer too, now that Spencer is a little more independent.
SO what is my problem? What could possibly be troubling me if things going so well?
Well...
On Nov 3 I had a positive pregnancy test. WHAT?!?
Yes I know crazy right? No fertility drugs!
Steve and I were in Banff together (kids were at grandmums) when we found out. The whole way home we talked about how amazing the timing was. We would be due in July 2014 and we could go to a family wedding in Vancouver in August. Perfect! Spencer would be almost 2 years old! What a nice age gap - almost as good as the 19 months apart Anne and Baby Steve would have been.
And then something happened.
On Nov 6 I started bleeding. I did not stop.
More and more.
Great.
I did my blood work
I had an ultrasound on Nov 8.
Both confirmed that I was in the middle of an early misscarriage.
Really? Hmm well that sucks.
It is not nearly as hard to grieve a pregnancy that I only knew about for 3 days. Not like baby Steve.
So about a week later I felt settled. I felt okay. Not totally awesome but okay.
Anyway now I am thinking about a baby. A baby - another pregnancy. Am I really ready for that? Do I really want to jump on that fertility roller coaster again - what if I lose another one? I have had 4 confirmed positive pregnancies. I have two living babies...now what?
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