19weeks

19 week ultrasound today. It went okay but I cried. I can't remember feeling as vulnerable since baby Steve died. I was watching the tech's face waiting for some grimace or scowl to show something was amiss. At the end of the test I said to him "my last baby died can you tell me the gender before my husband comes in so I can deal with it." he told me and I cried. I am not really ready to tell others yet because I am still not certian how I feel about it. I have to get to "okay" before I share the gender because if I don't and somebody says the wrong thing or hits a nerve inadvertently I am not sure what my response will be. So please don't ask. Both genders would have different baggage for me but one is significantly painful. Otherwise things seem to be okay but I await the official report from my doctor.