31 weeks the day after tomorrow

What do I hope for... I used to hope you would be born in the spring. I used to hope your hair would be brown. I used to hope your eyes would be gray. I used to hope that you would be smart. Now, I hope your eyes will open. I hope you take a breath and cry. I hope that you are born in the fall. I hope that you are born alive. I had a doctors appointment today. I am 31 weeks pregnant on July 18. During my first appointment with the doctor for this pregancy I asked for guarantees. I asked that I would not have to have another dead baby. The more times I go to the doctor the more I realise that there are no guarantees. Most likely things are going to be fine. 1/1000. I have extra ultrasounds but they cannot predict abruption. I have a specialist but he cannot predict or prevent abruption. My anixety is rising. 7 more weeks tomorrow until my induction. Can I keep you alive until then? My attachement to you, a family of 4, a future together is getting stronger. I try to fight the attachment with thoughts like: - dont count your chickens before they hatch - if everything goes as planned... - at least I have already bought enough burial plots. You move a lot. You seem to read my mind. As soon as I think you may have died and I start dreading dealing with compounding grief and loss you wiggle or kick. Please don't stop.