My grief counselor says that grief has to be felt. If it is pushed away it will come back in the future. I have heard of other people experiencing this phenomenon. I have tried the best I can to listen to my heart and grief as hard and loud as i can so that I don't have to go through any unnecessary grief in the future.
One of my favorite people had her third baby on Feb 8, 2012. I wanted to go and see this baby so badly. Partially to support my friend, partially so I could give myself the opportunity to see joy associated with child birth again. So I did. I had a huge emotional build up to entering the hospital. I kept thinking about the last time I was on Unit 25 and the events that led up to losing my baby.
I think that I did okay. i tried not to over think things and just focus on the beautiful babe in my arms.
I think I experienced an emotional hangover of sorts through the next few days though. I struggled with the fact that pregnancy fails sometimes but most of the time it does not. I am so happy for the baby's mom. I expected to be jealous but because the mom has been so supportive to me I felt no jealousy. I only felt sad and whimsical about what could have been for me and my little family.
Andrea, you are often in my thoughts and prayers. I was so happy to read this, and learn of your positive experience. You're strength and honesty is amazing. Sending lots of love.
ReplyDelete