Things I wish we had done

There are some days that where my baby is in my thoughts more than others. I can't remember the last time I cried hard. Today it happened twice.
I was eating pizza with Anne and Steve. There was one piece left and I thought "well if baby Steve were here he would have ate that one and I would not have to throw it away." Then I cried.
I was also watching Anne play outside today in the snow. She fell into the snow twice and then I put her mitts on. I was thinking my baby Steve was born and went to the morgue and then to a blue silk box. He never felt grass, dirt, sand, carpet, snow, wind, rain...
This may sound weird but I wish I could have taken his body home for one day to show him where he was going to live. Where he would have slept, played and grown up. But he had to go to the morgue.
I would not let them do an autopsy of his tiny body because I could not bear for it to be defiled in anyway. Even in death I was trying to protect him. He was so cute. Most people will never see a stillborn baby. Baby Steve looked just like a sleeping newborn except his color was bluer than it should have been.
If you know anyone whose baby has died - tell them to get plaster casts of the babe's feet and hands. I only have prints. Tell them to cuddle the babe as long as possible and take tonnes of photos. Take photos with the parents and siblings. We did not take photos with Anne and her brother. I wish we had.
If you don't take the photos you will forget what they looked like. I can't look at the photos very often but I am glad I have them because they prove he was real and that he lived. Tell them to go to counseling and grief groups. It is a small comfort to know that you are not alone, other have lost babes too and they are surviving.  
I have more money than I need but I cannot use it to get what I want. It is a strange cruel irony. Maybe one day people will be able to clone their children who die... although there is a huge set of ethical dilemmas that go along with that. I would just want to see him grow up.
8 months really is not very long at all.