I was thinking about my past clients today. If you don't know I used to work in child welfare. I was an investigator and a caseworker. I apprehended children, managed their files while they were in care and tried the best I could to return them to their families. A lot of families pulled together and got counseling, went to rehab, anger management etc. Some did not and their children either stayed in care and were adopted or went to extended family. When I worked I was able to put a degree of separation between me and the children. The children were innocent, often cute but sometimes had scarey behaviors because of what they had lived through.
I had one client who had 4 children while I was involved with her. I took two of them away from her as newborns. She had FASD and used crack and alcohol during her pregnancies. All of her babies lived. All were diagnosed with FASD and one has to be fed through a G-tube (hole in his stomach).
At the time, like I said before, I was able to separate my feelings. Today I am struggling with the injustice of my situation (although it is getting better). I am not God and I am not allowed to judge others but I have residual anger, frustration, annoyance and sadness about what has happened to me, when others who seem to have made poor choices have babies who live.
My baby that I did the best I could to look after died during labor. I put in the time (a whole 9 month pregnancy). I took my vitamins, I stood far away from the microwave, avoided sushi and everything else that people say you should or should not do I tried to follow.
I don't get it. If there is someone up there deciding where spirits should go their choices baffle me.
No comments:
Post a Comment