How to be happy for others?

I go to a baby loss support group. It runs once a month. There are usually 7 or so people that attend including the facilitator. Each person has their own story of baby loss. They are all different but the resulting grief is similar. We all have had experiences of anger and resentment to obviously pregnant women and newborn babies. Angry thoughts that are unfair to the person whom they are directed to. It is hard to be happy for others when their happiness reinforces or reminds you of your pain.

But some women say that it is easier to be happy for certain people than others. For example, if a woman approaches her pregnancy naively boasting to everyone without awareness that bad things can happen. It is hard to take because we remember being in that exact position and look what happened to us. My pregnancy was completely normal. There were no warning signs or risk factors.

Moms who experience baby loss want to say to others "It can happen to you - but it probably won't." Can you imagine the fall out if I said to a pregnant mother, "you know your baby might die even though you have done everything right?" Nobody wants to talk about baby loss. On the other hand if a mother is aware and sensitive of baby loss or has experienced it, the women in my group have said that they are very happy for them but still worry because one never knows for sure what can happen.

Being happy for others is my challenge right now. I know that if I were to manage to get pregnant again the people who are aware that I have lost a son and struggled with infertility would be happy for me. So it is not fair to begrudge those people my best wishes when they are expecting. On the other hand the overwhelming feeling of life being unfair is hard to take when the person who is expecting seems to have everything going their way as far as fertility is concerned. Specifically if a woman has never had trouble conceiving and her babies are healthy, happy and whole it is hard to dispel the seed of resentment.

My ongoing big question is why do I have to deal with infertility and stillbirth. Is one or the other not enough? Spread the garbage around a little......
Anyway that is my rant for today. I feel better thanks for listening.
Happy Christmas